A few posts ago I talked about being hurt by the church. So I want to start by saying that I have found a church that I love and I feel very welcome. Bible study Friday night I shared a message a little about my past but mostly about judgement. It touched every woman there so much that we are starting to do a series on it. So with this blog being my new outlet and journal what better place to prepare by sharing my story from the beginning to now. Some of the things I will share nobody but me and the people involved know, some only my husband knows, some only my best friend, and some was shared with me by my grandparents right before they passed. I must put a disclaimer in here that there are some triggering things over these next few blogs, but I am sharing this in hopes to help someone. I will leave names out to respect the privacy of those involved. I was the result of teen pregnancy, unfortunately my biological mother wasn’t very interested in becoming a mother, while she was pregnant with me she tried multiple things to end the pregnancy including trying to break horses in hopes of a miscarriage and causing a car wreck that ended up cutting the oxygen off to the left side of my brain and breaking my collar bone. So that being said when I was born there was brain damage and I had to be carried in what my grandparents called a tiny bean bag.
Fast forward 6 weeks, my grandparents receive a call and on the other line they hear “I don’t want her. If you want her find her”. after hiring a private investigator I was found at someone’s house they didn’t know. Since my dad was still in high school there was an agreement made that they would raise me. Of course there were court dates, during said court dates my biological mother’s family took the stand and told the judge she was not fit to be a mother. So home with my grandparents I went. Something I didn’t know until about 2 years ago was she was rewarded supervised visitations which she wouldn’t show up for. The early years of my life were amazing, I couldn’t have asked for a better life and I am forever thankful for my grandparents for everything they did for me. When I was about 8 years old there was an agreement made that I would go to my biological mothers every other weekend for visitation. I try not to remember that time of my life but there are things I can’t forget. To eat I had to ask permission and IF she said yes I could only have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich nothing else (to this day I will not eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich). It didn’t take long for my grandparents to realize what was going on and that I was starving when I came home and would have bruises every time. So the visitation stopped and I remember very vividly the relief I felt.
So the next couple of years were once again amazing, I was making friends in school, living a great life. I started middle school and felt on top of the world like every middle schooler does. Then here comes 7th grade! A new change came for all of us, a new middle school opened! I’ll never forget that year, I met the best friend I will ever have, we still talk every day! To this day I can’t tell you for sure that I would have mentally made it through a lot of things without her. So we get to the end of the school year, my biological mother is telling me all these great things that would happen if I move in with her, so what do I do? I go, I move counties, start a new school 8th grade year, and though I don’t know for sure I’m almost positive that decision would ultimately end the one other friendship I had that I knew would last a life time. I wish I could say that would be the worst thing that would happen but unfortunately that’s just when it all began.....
I’ll be sharing more throughout the week, if at anytime you feel like you know someone that is struggling and can relate please share my blog with them! Feel free to email me if you need someone to talk to or to pray with you. My point in sharing this so publicly is to hopefully help someone and if I’m able to help just one person it is all worth it.
Enjoy you Sunday, may God bless you in the most amazing ways.